Random Short Fanfics of Epicosity
by Fullmetalfan13
Summary: This is a bundle of a bunch of fanfictions me and my friend wrote when we were either really bored or goofy. Most are crack, some might possibly be more serious, but not likely. Most are based on Fma, but other anime is dispersed throughout it all.
1. Chapter 1

One day Hannah was walking with Ling, the prince of Xing, when a giant pancake flew out of the sky and hit Ling in the face. "Oh no! Ling darling!" Hannah yelled as Ling fell over on his ass. Ling started crying. Then Greed took over and stopped the crying crap. Hannah was crying saying, "Oh dear lord. your ass." Greed just rolled his eyes and stood up and said, "listen girl. Your little prince is gone now. Stahp crying. " Hannah got annoyed and punched Greed in da face and said, "Jackass. give Ling back" Greed was unaffected and just stared at Hannah with an unimpressed look on his face and grabbed Hannah's wrist. "Leggo man" "No" Greed replied and pulled Hannah closer. "Ew..Greed germs.." "Ya know. Greed germs are the same as Ling germs. " "But I like Ling germs" Greed just narrowed his eyes and sighed. "The little prince is gone. So I can do whatever I want with you. " Greed smirked and Hannah just gave an unimpressed look. "Whatever.." Hannah said and took out her phone and started playing Sexy Back. "Wat da fuq.." Greed said and let go of Hannah. *~* "I like this song" -~- Greed slapped Hannah's phone on the ground and it broke. "What the fuck man.." "jajajajaja" Greed laughed and said, "It's time" "Nooooooo! I only do things with Ling" "Same body. " Greed stated and pulled Hannah into a warehouse.

(Im sorry. This next part is censored. )

Greed exited the warehouse with a smirk. Ed was sitting on a bench outside the warehouse with his arms crossed. Greed stopped and his smirk vanished. "...What are you doing here?" Ed looked up at Greed and answered, "Oh nothing. Oh and hey greed" "Yeah?..." "What were you doing in that warehouse with Hannah?" Greed just stood there, silent. Ed stood up, arms still crossed. "Well?" "I...I made her...Have a tea party with me!" Greed said looking down. Just then Hannah came out of the warehouse and collapsed saying, "So...much...tea.." Ed got tears in his eyes, "You had tea with another person?..how could you…" "Nononono. Its not like that. I just…" Greed explained, failing miserably. Ed just started crying. "Shit…" Greed said and walked over to Ed and hugged him, "I'm sorry.." "...Really?" Ed asked. "Yes…" Greed said and lifted up Ed and kissed him. Ed stopped crying and his eyes got wide. "..Otp.." Hannah said while waving a little flag.


	2. Chapter 2

Once upon a time the princess in the tall castle, Grell, was sobbing because her true love Sebastian had left her after she stated she wanted his babies. Grell later heard a call from a few towers over, it was her neighbor, greed, aka rapunzel. They are the bestest tower buddies. "Omg gurrrrl. Come on you failed, brah" the black haired princess said. "I know ;-;" Grell looked out the window and saw a tiny shrimp- i mean alchemist standing at the bottom of the tower, "Uh…. Greed… Greed… shit.. let down your long hair? sure… I don't know what the fuck i'm doing.. goddammit" Grell was sure this was her true love. But that was when the bean- I mean ed started climbing up the next tower over. Grell started sobbing again.

*other tower*

Greed was wearing a huge pink princess dress thing. ((FEM GREED (Greedling) )) Her boobs barely fit. The shorty finally climbed up to the tower window, and out of breath, he fell on the floor, "Ah fuck, man….. This wasn't a part of the deal… I hate climbing" He looked up and saw le greed fem. "Who the fuck are you," said the princess with an unimpressed look. "Geez, man. I'm your fucking savior from this hellhouse castle thing. You should be nicer." "Well, shit man. I don't care. I don't like people so this is an ideal place for me to stay." He looked at her with an unimpressed look, "So I climbed this goddamned tower for nothing?" She replied, "Yup" "Aren't you gonna offer me tea or something? Come on" "Fuck no," She walked over to the bed and sat on it, clearly trying to ignore him. "Don't you wanna do anything? Come on. You gotta like doing something." Greed wasn't enjoying this, "No. I don't hang out with virgins. Go away." "No." "No?" She looked at him. "Wanna fuck?," Ed asked. "Okay"

*TO THE OTHER CASTLE CUZ I SAID SO AND I YEAH*

Grell be sobbin still, when a male Gabby (Dats hot) flew in through the window like peter pan. Grell looked up at him, eyes sparkling,"CAN I HAVE YOUR BABIES" "REPENT MUTHAFUQA," Gabby shot Grell in the face with his bow and arrow. Grell died. And Gabby flew out the other window.

*TO THE OTHER CASTLE THING AGAIN*

"Damn. You a good virgin." They were both laying in one of those princess beds which I heard are really comfortable. When Gabby flew by the window, He saw them and waved his flag and cried a single tear, "Otp, brah…." And flew away.


	3. Chapter 3

Aladdin was walking down the street after Princess Jasmine turned out to be a whore and said, "Mothafuqin whore...Now i'm broke and have no fuckin house.." Aladdin had been walking for about an hour when he came across a beautiful princess, Hannah, and stopped walking. Hannah was looking at a stand of carrots and wearing one of those weird things Jasmine wears. Aladdin walked over to hannah and took her hand and sang, "I can show you the world" Hannah made him let go and said, "Fuck off, mothafuqa. I have a boyfriend. " "I don't care." Just then a magical flying pig came out of nowhere and knocked over the stand of carrots. "Well shit…" Hannah said and started leaving. "Wait! I can show you other things! Not just the world" Hannah stopped and said, "What kind of things?" "Many things" Just then ling came out of nowhere and hugged hannah almost possessive like, "Is this stupid prince bothering you?" "Prince?" Aladdin narrowed his eyes and said, "Ling..i should've known." "Nice to see you too, Aladdin. " "Wat...You two know each other?" Hannah asked completely confused. "Yeah we know each other. " Ling started getting out his sword when out of nowhere Greed came (yes, male greed) wearing a sailor moon outfit and sang, "My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard and they're like it's better than yours! Damn right it's better than yours! I could teach you but I'd have to charge!"

Then Ed came with an unimpressed look and grabbed Greeds arm and started leaving with him and said, "I..am so sorry.." Everyone was just silent with confusion and disgust. After Greed and Ed left Aladdin said, "Ya know what...screw this shit..i'm out..," and left. Ling just sighed and picked up hannah and started leaving and said, "Darling, we are going to fuck tonight." "-~- Mmk "

*TO WHERE ED AND GREED WENT CUZ WELL..YEAH*

"Goddammit greed…" Ed said as greed was hanging on him, "You just had to go and get drunk.." Greed had a stupid smirk on his face and hiccuped. Ed just sighed and said, "Lets just go home…" "But Edddddddd…" Greed said and fell to his knees and had his arms around Ed's waist and hips. Ed looked away with a faint blush on his face and said, "What is it, greed…" "I don't wanna go homeeee...I wanna stay in this alley..and fuck.." Ed looked down at Greed, "H-huh?..." "You heard me.."

*AND THE REST OF THIS IS CENSORED*


	4. Chapter 4

(This is one of those one person says one word, then the other says another back and forth kind of thing)

Greed went to the store and bought strippers. He bought one named Ed. Ed was a good hot smexy biatch. Greed went to his house, then watched porn while Ed rode a giant

Pony.

Then they have tacos while dancing to Mexican music while wearing miniskirts. Greed then grabbed Ed's

Hair.

Cuz he likes hair. Greed was a douche when Ed stroked his

Xbox.

Because xboxes are the most bested things you have, but greed is twerking. Ed enjoyed greed twerking. Greed made Ed have cheese sex. Ed loved cheese, so he rainbowed and greed was jelly. Greed made Ed have sex with him, so greed raped Ed. Ed was trying not to scream, but was screaming. Greed knew Ed was a virgin, so he fucked Ed's hard dick. Ed was humming to sexy naughty bitchy me. Greed was enjoying this fuck a lot and they fucked happily ever after. The end~

Greed was sleeping when a small pixie fairy thing named Roy appeared. Roy put his fairy wand on the floor and made Greed be a amazing wagon. Greed was not happy, so he told Roy a story about a little alchemist named Edward Elric. Edward was a happy little demon and he liked dicks. Pencils are the best stabbing utensils for killing Roy. Roy was terrified and peed his pants. Then greed laughed. Ha ha. and talked and danced like a leprechaun. (Greed is wagon) He liked cheese and pizza pickles. Roy left and died. Then Edward came to save Greed from being a wagon. Edward then kissed Greed and they lived happily ever after. THE END


	5. Chapter 5

(ED) Day 24, the gummy bears are attacking again. Almost no one is left and the smell of death lingers in the air. I'm forced to stay indoors with my partner, Greed. We've been doing pretty well, but running out of food. We'll have to go back outside soon… and god knows what will happen.

(STILL ED) "Gah… no more food" I looked up at Greed, "Wow, you're beginning to sound like Ling" "Not funny. Okay?" "Whatever," I grabbed my jacket and started leaving. "Woah woah woah. Woah. Where you going?" "Food. Lets go raid one of them grocery stores that hopefully still have food left" Greed grabbed his jacket and put it on too, "Count me in. I'm starving"

*LE OUTSIDE*

I hear the roars of the wild gummy bears in the distance. "Holy shit," Greed muttered and got in the car with me. He started driving to the nearest grocery store. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," One of the green gummy bears screeched. "DRIVE FASTER GREED" The gummy bear started chasing us because we be hot.

(GREED) "Dammit, i'm flooring it already! You expect me to drive faster?!", I yelled back. "CAW CAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW," A yellow gummy bear appeared. "GODDAMMIT" I rammed the car into the side of a grocery store, somehow without killing or injuring either of us. "GET OUT OF THE DAMN CAR" I yelled, but it was too late, the building EXPLODED BECAUSE A GIANT GUMMY WORM CAME OUT OF THE GROUND.

(There is neither Greed nor Ed's point of view because death)


	6. Chapter 6

Ed was sitting on the couch reading a book when Greed came home, "I'm home.." Ed just waved a little and kept reading his book. Greed kicked off his shoes and took his coat off. "Whatcha reading?" He asked. "A book" Greed gave an unimpressed look and walked over to the couch and sat down next to Ed, "Well..i figured as much. I meant what book." Ed just lifted his book up so Greed could see the cover. "Ah…You gonna talk to me or what?" Ed shook his head no. Greed sighed and took the book from Ed. "Hey..," Ed complained.

"Is this book really more important than me?"

"I never said that"

"You never denied it either"

"Greeddddddd.."

"Whattttttt"

"Give it back." Ed said as he held out his hand.

"No." Ed was getting annoyed and tried to take the book from Greed, but Greed just held the book up high so he couldn't reach it. Ed was practically climbing on top of Greed to try and grab the book. All the while Greed was enjoying this and was smirking the whole time. Ed eventually reached the book and took it from Greed, "Haha." While he was distracted Greed grabbed his wrist and flipped him over so he was on top of Ed. Ed was caught off guard, dropped his book and stared up at Greed confused, "What the hell are you doing?.." Greed responded by kissing Ed, a soft sweet kiss. After a while he pulled away, "All I want is some sort of 'welcome home' from the one I love. Is that too much to ask?" "No…" "Okay..good" Greed said and kissed Ed again.


	7. Chapter 7

Once upon a time there was a magical little spider named Jimmy, he liked to chill in the nice green grass BUT ONE DAY HE WAS SQUISHED BECAUSE EDWARD ELRIC STEPPED ON IT. NO JIMMY IS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER. NOW EDWARD HAS BUG GUTS ON HIS SHOE.

On that magical day, Edward met a peasant named Greed.

"ZAM BOI LEMME GET DEM DIGITS" the peasant exclaimed

"Nah, I guud." the snooty blonde replied.

As the wonderful day went on Greed proceeded to stalk Edwardo and when he got to a marvelous alley Greed then fucked him. Not rape. Fuck. because edwardo enjoyed it and THE WRATH OF JIMMY TOOK OVER EDS BODY AND KILLED GREED WITH A POGO STICK FILLED WITH NATURAL VITAMINS AND MINERALS. (only $9.99 because it has blood on it and most people don't want that) THEN ED CONSUMED GREED AND THE POGO STICK AND GOT TERRIBLE INDIGESTION.

Soon Ed regained his consciousness again because he was possessed or some shit by that Jimmy spider thing. Yeah. And then he cryd cuz he klld his troo luv.

THE END MOTHAFUQA


	8. Chapter 9

"Move it more to the left. No wait, the right. No-"

"Make up your damn mind." Greed complained as he was trying to place a large Christmas tree in the living room, while Ed was directing him.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry. I just want it to be perfect." Ed stated and Greed sighed in annoyance. He loves Ed but sometimes he can get on his nerves.

"I know you do. And I do too, but to put it bluntly. This. Is. Fucking. Heavy."

"Gah..okay. Just. There. Put it down." Ed said and Greed practically dropped the thing in place. Greed sighed and looked at the tree, "Looks good."

Ed didn't respond. Greed looked up at him and said, "You don't like it.."

A nod.

"Gahhh...seriously?"

"It's just..not centered properly and-"

"Yeah yeah. I get it. But you're moving it this time."

"But-"

"No. I'm done. It looks fine, kid. Just-"

Ed cut Greed off with a kiss. He was not expecting that, but of course he didn't mind. Ed wrapped his arms around Greed's neck and moved closer.

"Mm.." Greed put his hands on Ed's waist, but Ed broke the kiss.

"Hey..why'd you stop?.." Greed asked and started planting small kisses all over Ed's face. Ed giggled slightly.

"Because..you need to move the tree."

Greed stopped and nuzzled his face into the crook of Ed's neck, "Lil shit..fine." He moved away and lifted up the tree once again.

"Okay, so move it to the right."

**~The End~ **


End file.
